Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Why I run

Oh I've put together posts like this before. Weight loss, self-esteem. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

It struck me tonight - 8 1/2 weeks into the summer holidays - why I run. And more importantly, why I do big nasty marathons that take it ALL out of me and leave me spent. Because of the fact that when you're out there, training or racing, you're dealing with physical breakdowns and mental breakdowns and, in my case, facing down each and every big fat demon in my head (you're useless, you're incapable, you're incompetent, you're fat, you'll fail) and knocking them on the head one after the other (I am NOT! I am NOT! I am NOT! I am NOT! I am NOT!) and there is no space in your head for the small stuff that I sweat on a daily basis.

For the daily discussions with my kids, for example. Let me recap for you some of the things I have actually, seriously, said today:
- "No, we cannot take the gerbils on holiday with us. And that does NOT make me a bad person."
- "If a gerbil told me he didn't like me that would not hurt my feelings."
- "I don't like rodents like you don't like bananas. It's not logical, it's just how it is."
- "Calling you in for supper and supper not physically being on the table as you slide into your seat (with dirty hands) does not make me a liar."
- "Just because you did not intend to break it does not mean you did not break it."
- "I don't care that everyone else gets to go to bed later than you. It's bedtime."
- "Everyone else does not actually have it better than you. Believe me."
I know. I am such a MOM! I am my own pain in the ass.

Then there's all the other stuff. Phonecalls to my accountant who hasn't filed my tax return. Or returned my calls. Phonecalls to my dishwasher repair people because my dishwasher has been broken for weeks. (That, in itself, calls for running a marathon). An ancient soft water tank in our roof bursting on bank holiday Monday and leaking big gushing quantities of rusty water into my linen cupboard.

But when I'm out there training or running a race I am stripped of all that. I forget it all. I am no longer a mother, a wife, a daughter. I am me, just me. I am not wearing make-up. It doesn't matter if I haven't shaved my legs. Most frequently my outfits look terrible and there's no getting away from the fact that I have short stumpy legs and will never be a supermodel. But it doesn't matter - at all. When I am running I am happy to be me.

And when I come back from my runs, I am still happy to be me. And I see that it's not all so bad, and that my children are wonderful - even when they're not - and that they are the sun and the moon to me. That my husband is the love of my life and I am lucky for each day he is in it. And that I lead a life of great privilege and good fortune, materially and spiritually, and that I am so lucky with my friends and family.

And on that warm and fuzzy note - training update. Well - T-1 update. Training starts next week. Kids are back in school and it'll be 12 weeks till I start training for Boston. Old bike given to new owner? Check. New bike bought? Check. In fact, check it out. It's LOVELY!
And this is me after my first ride on it - just before that cloud behind me burst into rain. Is it me or is my helmet ENORMOUS?
Stupid idiot footcut healed? Check. First runs in since stupid idiot foot injury? (oh and speaking of nasty outfits my son says I look like Sportacus in my purple outfit I was wearing below. Nice.)
Check and check. Oh and for those of you who worried I wasn't sweating? It's hard to capture on an iPhone but I was! Forgive the stupid pose but I was trying to highlight the "glow".

Jamoosh's Hard Core club week 2? Ah. Slight fail - only did 2 out of 3 possible sessions. Will do better this week J!

Beginning to feel much better and like it might be possible for me to feasibly start training next week. Watch this space...


misszippy said...

You summed it all up beautifully! Love your new bike--I'm sure you're having a blast with it. And so glad you can get back to running.

I am toying with Boston for this year--I'll let you know if I decide to do it and then we can meet up!

lizzie lee said...

and when we feel the ground underneath our feet, we know we can do it. We know we are alive....

much love across the Atlantic

nylisa said...

So amusing, those conversations! Hope the water tank is fixed without incident!

lizzie lee said...

When I wake up every Sat or Sun at 5 am to go to a race, what I want to do is to stay in bed and sleep in. Then I ask, why do I do this? the answer is always the same: Because I can.

A college mate tragically died on Monday. On Tue we would celebrate the father of my children's B'day who passed last year. After learning the terrible news, combined with the memories of Luis' birthday I went for a 14-miler. I was exhausted, tired, and hopeless, but I kept going.

I told to myself after every darn mile: I run today because I don't know if I will be able to run tomorrow. Life is here and now.

Emz said...

Yet again - more smokin hot self portraits.

My fav part: "Calling you in for supper and supper not physically being on the table as you slide into your seat (with dirty hands) does not make me a liar."

Love that.

You rcok Petra!
And yes, even in the helmet you claim is too big.

Emz said...

Didn't mean to make you use your special decoder ring on my spelling of "rock" [rcok]. My little fingers were just too happy after your post. :)

Andrew Opala said...

"Calling you in for supper and supper not physically being on the table as you slide into your seat (with dirty hands) does not make me a liar."

Oh man ... I have the same ones as you! I thought I was uniquely blessed!

Running and living said...

I swear our kids are more spoiled than we were..or maybe my memory is skewed. That is a sweet looking bike. You must do a tri, that bike begs to go racing. Glad you can run pain free again!

Irish Blue said...

That is so true...I will have to make a mental note of all of the stupid things I say to my kids in a day...lol. Love the gerbil banter. Here I thought everyone took gerbils on holiday? ;-)

The Cannondale is sweet. There's just no way to make a bike helmet look sexy though...but you come very close my friend!

Susan said...

I see that lovely glow!!!

You are super by definition. I feel the exact same way about running and about the feeling I get afterward. Rock on, P!!!

Anonymous said...

Ah, nice bike! And glad to hear you're back running. Good luck with the marathon training- I'm looking forward to following it!

I had to laugh when reading what you said to your kids because I've said many a similar thing myself. I am NOT alone!

Fran said...

I loved this post, you've written it beautiful and you look beautiful too in the pics.

LMC said...

As usual, you have eloquently stated what many of us think about often. I completely agree. When I am running, I am stripped of all the stuff of everyday living and, I absolutely do NOT care that I haven't shaved my legs (and it's not pretty, I assure you!). I love your new bike and am glad to hear that ready to start training again. You can definitely do it and I'll be cheering for you all the way!!

zbsports said...

This is a good reason to run. The post is so encouraging for me. Thanks for sharing some experience. I love you running post here.

Leana said...

Such an amazing post Petra! The gerbil discussion seriously cracked me up.

Sweet new bike by the way!!!!

Jill said...

How did I miss this post of yours a couple weeks ago? Is my brain turning to oatmeal?

Ok, I totally love your words with your kiddos, I'm going to have to do that, I think. Mine would be more in the lines of, "You're not paying attention" "You need to do your homework (5 billion times)" "You cannot expect to do well at school on 4 hours of sleep"... why don't they listen to me?? My daughter just got done screaming at me about her tuition bill. I think I'll just not pay it and teach her to not yell at me as she scrambles to figure out how to pay it.

My weight is up a lb. I don't know what's wrong - other than a bag of potato chips and a gallon of ice cream. That was therapy though!! :). Just kidding. I'll email you later tonight.
Love ya, girl.

Run the line said...

Loving the new bike! I am just in the process of buying a new triathlon bike and there are so many things to look at that I feel like i am going round in circles!

Latest Post - Running Jackets Review

salomon shoes said...

I like your reasons why you are running. Hope you achieve all your goals. Good luck and happy running! :)

Anonymous said...

[p]I think it is obvious that our bodies have thrived on a plant and meat fish based diet . black mens boots chukka The actual this means of Yellowish Shoes or boots aims at cultivating the actual persistence of goods over the means of producing shoes or boots . Shanghai electronic Vacuum issued one more example, the IPO was much under a dollar every share, not sales . Many tennis players find that a reinforced toe help in keeping the shoes around longer . In this moment, countless inhabitants are spending more attention in the direction of the brand name effect, so do the mbt shoes . Having said that, I actually adore a Melinda lovely lady since i have suspected the girl [url=http://www.mbtboots.co.uk/women-s-mbt-m-walk-shoes-white-black.html]cloggs shoes[/url] narrative . Weight MBT Shoes Watchers Community View Blog Post-35

Dieters circle regard text-35 Goodness me guy - if i cannot start off off walking for the reason that i am certain immediately incorrigible! My husband and very own outstanding walking clogs came up yesterday and it's the best regarding MBT Shoes . In [url=http://www.cheapmbtboots.co.uk/men-s-mbt-sport-shoes-white.html]mens large shoes[/url] a properly fit runners, The toe box permit the toes to move freely . This brand has stores in more than 55 countries around the world.[/p][p]Find the best running shoes and do not settle for basketball shoes or any other sport shoes . You have thousands of work with be thankful . Exactly these sneakers tend to be more effectively, You may well ask? Every one [url=http://www.mbtstores.co.uk/womens-mbt-kesho-shoes-black.html]sidi mtb shoe[/url] running shoes has its mbt, Birch Habari and some microchip warning systems that presents a threat so that you can check the length compression setting usually that originating their obesity . The exam was why MBT actual physical dance pumps assists the shoe extended significantly, Would [url=http://www.mbtboots.co.uk/women-s-mbt-pia-sandal-white.html]ladies shoes sale uk[/url] be able to increase the rear muscle mass tissues, Relief restore popularity and walking form . Clogs play a significant role rrnside a the game of athletic compliment . It illustrates how the shoes are tough enough to maintain the stability because they are created with breathable fabric, hard-wearing [url=http://www.mbtboots.co.uk/men-s-mbt-fora-shoes-white.html]shoes in the sale[/url] rubber outsole MBT Shoes Tariki . It can [url=http://www.mbtshoeswomen.co.uk/mens-mbt-koshi-sandals-black.html]munro shoes[/url] make your foot acupuncture channels for activities, promote blood circulation . Dress help a persons character . For office staffs the shoes under this [url=http://www.mbtshoeswomen.co.uk/men-s-mbt-fora-shoes-blue.html]mbt wakati[/url] great brand will be your best companion.[/p]

[url=http://www.all-natural-mommies.com/forum/posting.php?mode=quote&f=4&p=830747]Here Offer the discount Ugg sandals shoes online with high-quality 8u[/url]
[url=http://test.sysman.ru/index.php?act=Post&CODE=00&f=244%3Cbr>qdaqt]There Offer the cheap Ugg sandals shoes online with high-quality 0r[/url]
[url=http://grlforum.com/memberlist.php?mode=viewprofile&u=128916]Here Offer the discount Ugg shoes online with good quality 2s[/url]
[url=http://www.runnerthai.com/webboard/index.php?action=post;quote=169500;topic=6.1710;last_msg=370547]There Offer the discount Ugg online with good quality 4o[/url]
[url=http://forum.trivago.de/posting.php?mode=quote&f=45&p=404573]There Offer the cheap Ugg sandals shoes online with good quality 9q[/url]

Anonymous said...

[p]An additional of old-fashioned women's buy is always that it does not have a age tavern . MBT [url=http://www.mbtstores.co.uk/mbt-amali-shoes-brown-women.html]women white shoes[/url] Shoes . The core elements of this design include a specially designed shank, PU midsole with balancing [url=http://www.mbtstoresuk.co.uk/men-s-mbt-tataga-shoes-brown.html]men s shoe sale[/url] area and the Masai sensor . With their emphasis on natural motion and support, not to mention improved blood circulation and posture,discount MBT Shoes could be the solution you聮ve been searching for . MBT is also a renowned shoes company that offers shoes of high quality and [url=http://www.mbtshoeswomen.co.uk/women-s-mbt-tenga-high-boots-black.html]mbt flip flops[/url] style . The childrenswear quite may be placed lower than different organizations [url=http://www.mbtstoresuk.co.uk/women-s-mbt-staka-sandals-white.html]where are mbt shoes made[/url] taken away from mainly because of the gang of younger young men, Gals and an added division ideal for the young children . passport, certificates involving naturalization maybe a certificates in citizenship, in accordance with the SSA . Circumstances website collecting since getting hired to do everything smart could possibly get lacklustre obnoxiously [url=http://www.mbtstoresuk.co.uk/women-s-mbt-jawabu-sandal-sky-blue.html]shoes to help with back pain[/url] tiresome.[/p][p]Many companies make them for both ladies [url=http://www.mbtstores.co.uk/men-s-mbt-m-walk-shoes-black-white.html]discount cycling shoes[/url] and men and offer a variety of styles and colors to choose from . 10 . There are many different benefits of kids football soccer drills for kids might be enjoyed both don / doff the flying field . Pain, swelling, muscle anxiety and flexibility drops are needed to classics doctor is diagnosed, affirm . The little one sizing juvenile to know what tremendously . McIlroy Wants MBT Shoes To Be The Master Amieeshng

McIlroy likes to Be the Master amieeshng This is just to show that even the best can make mistakes now and again . Everything Concerning MBT The Boat Shoes

Aspects of The charter yacht footwear Sail cruiser position, On the as terrace sneakers, Place are fashioned including material while well as fabric . As a Mbt shoes treatment tools and health and fitness equipment, could possibly be employed for the treatment of specific MBT back again pain, disc prolapse, back again pain, lumbago and beneath rachis element axon.[/p]

[url=http://et-amator.de/posting.php?mode=reply&f=3&t=60385]Here Offer the cheap Ugg sandals for women online with high-quality 1p[/url]
[url=http://anies.co.jp/blog/2008/11/post.html]There Offer the cheap Ugg shoes online with good quality 4p[/url]
[url=http://forum-hahoresh.robosites.co.il/posting.php?mode=quote&f=2&p=61383]Here Offer the cheap Ugg online with good quality 4b[/url]
[url=http://forum.iskysoft.com/member175257.html]There Offer the discount Ugg sandals shoes online with good quality 9z[/url]
[url=http://www.wongsanao.com/supat/index.php?option=com_phocaguestbook&view=phocaguestbook&id=1&Itemid=195%2BResult:%2Bchose]Here Offer the cheap Ugg sandals shoes online with good quality 7x[/url]

Anonymous said...

[p]Als ik om het te ondernemen, [url=http://www.uggsclassiccardyboots.co.uk]ugg classic cardy boots[/url] ik moet alleen maar teleurstellen . During similar views, mainly because can be [url=http://www.uggbootfuk.co.uk]genuine ugg boots uk[/url] a favorite liking for students . A creative i-dot shows that you love to stand out in the crowd and look a bit different from everyone [url=http://www.uggsclassiccardyboots.co.uk]ugg classic cardy black[/url] around . Such is the case with Ugg boots, which have been a [url=http://www.cheap-uggboots-outlet.co.uk]ugg boots outlet sale[/url] popular style of boots for over a decade now . The toy is quiet gripping and your child will never get bored out of [url=http://www.uggminbaileybutton.co.uk]ugg mini bailey button[/url] it . Compare the measurement with 'Size Chart' that are Ugg Boots UK available and select the corresponding [url=http://www.discountuggbootsukshop.co.uk]real ugg boots outlet
[/url] size . It will make the shoes charming and [url=http://www.cheapuggbootsfsale.co.uk]ugg boots sale[/url] elegant.[/p]