I'll march my band out.

I have spent a long time agonising over this evening.  I'm 40 tomorrow and I know I should be freaked out about this.

But you've all been reading this blog for some time now.  Midlife crisis?  I think I've covered it.  The past 2 years have been rough in so many ways (though, thankfully, good in so many other ways) that life lessons have been learned at a fast pace.  I've been as close to rock bottom mentally as I've ever been, but I've also emerged, and - you'll all be relieved to hear - I've emerged stronger and more in alignment with the person I really am.

I haven't posted in a month for a number of reasons.  Firstly because between commuting to London every other week, doing full days at my course, revising for exams inbetween and then dealing with all the family life stuff that had been left undone while I was in London there was little time for anything else...  Secondly because I haven't really been training.  My ambition of training for a fast marathon (primarily to beat Sarah Palin's 1:45 recent half marathon time) has disappeared - doing a full-blown plan on top of a course that involves daily workouts which cover the range between finding your 1 rep max on resistance machines, learning how to teach "proper pushups" (I can't even do them myself), and experimenting with different methods of interval training, has just proved impossible.  Instead, I've reduced my almost daily runs to 5 miles of mostly easy work and have allowed myself a weekly 25 miles until halfway through November, when I'm going to have to nudge that up a bit... And thirdly because I've been wondering whether there is still any point in blogging.  I've been blogging for years - do I still have anything to add to this medium?  Am I offering anything others aren't offering, better and with more sponsorship, readers and support?  I don't really know the answer to the latter question.  I'm not sure how much it matters.  All I know is that when I think of stopping blogging, it makes me sad.  I have made many "real friends" and learned everything I know about running through it.  There is a huge community out there that I feel a part of.  So for now - I haven't given up on it, however sporadic my forays might be...

But onwards people.  I'm 40 tomorrow and I'm excited.  It's all good.  There's been some rain on my parade in the past but tomorrow I'm marching my band out.  And for you - younger readers - don't worry about it.  It's all good.  Yes - it takes my face a good hour to lose the impression of my pillow on my face in the morning.  But who cares.  Life truly, truly is juicy - and it gets juicier! - and I'm really having my bite.  Doing this course is the most energising, right thing for me to do - and it's good for me even if it is tough to be away from the kids and Adam and home.  I'm passionate about pursuing this career and can't wait to get started on it.

So once again - I'm going to catch up on everything in due course - and on you.  I promise.  Life won't be this crazy forever.  I'll be checking in - and then I'll truly be back.  40 - and loving it.