The party's over

The pity party that is. As always you, my faithful commenters cuddled me, cajoled me, and some of you gave me a kick up the *ss and okay okay - I get the message. I've put away the black streamers, dried my tears and I'm back again.

That's not to say the running has been great these past 2 weeks. I think I definitely suffered from something related to what my kids had last week - they've had (swine?) flu and tonsilitis but have now recovered - and even by the middle of this week my 8 miler was compiled of grit, determination, clif-shots and slow miles. None of it is a pretty picture to be sure but I've just read Meg Runs' blog and I have cut and pasted the following:

No matter what your goal is...weight loss, a 5k, a 3 day walk, a hike, an ultra, a marathon...you need to look at the plan. What ever your pace; to finish, to go fast, to go slow, to walk. Don't let it own you, own the plan. Talk to it, "Bring it on!"

Do it with confidence. age doesn't matter
Do it with concentration. single out that one specific moment in time and focus on it
Do it with control. but don't force it
Do it with commitment. bring it on

And she's right. Completely right. The other mantra that has embedded itself into my mind is the AA mantra of "fake it till you make it". I am faking it and slowly beginning to make it. I struggled through 7 awful miles in wind and rain last Sunday (failed to run the 12 I had told myself to run, but ran 7 when 0 was by far the more attractive option), I ran 5 on Tuesday that were neither here nor there but on the books all the same, and today I decided to kick myself a bit harder and make myself run 5M out of a 10 miler at a faster pace. (Chicken and egg you see - my lack of mojo has had me slugging out the miles at 10 / 11 min/mile pace - great recovery pace if that's what you're going for but for me, at this point, just a sign of how deeply I had sunk into sluggishness. ) And reader, I did it. I warmed up for 2 miles at 8:17 min/mile (good to find that pace again), then ran 5 miles at an 8:01 min/mile, before slowing down for the last 3 at a 9:03 min/mile pace. Much better - and I'm much happier.

I'm in the doldrums for a number of reasons, really - I'm worrying about my kids, worrying about the lack of direction in my life, worrying about when I'll ever get settled into my new house, worrying about all sorts of relationships in my life that aren't working terribly well at the moment - but what I'm hanging onto here is that running is good for me when all this stuff is going on. It may not be fast, and it may not be quality, but getting out there is always better than not getting out there. And before you worry about me - none of the things I am worrying about above are as troublesome, or difficult, as I sometimes think they are or as I might be making them appear. The problem, really, at the moment is my attitude and my worrying, not the people or situations I am worrying about. And as I'm unable to think these worries away, I might as well go out for a run. After which things never seem quite as difficult anymore. So Meg, you're right. Bring it on!