Well - that's one way to kill the suspense.. As you all know I was intending to run a marathon in Derbyshire on May 19th and I was well on my way - well, sort of on my way, to running it when I was felled by a chest infection which took nearly 2 weeks out of my training. Last week I decided I would get back in the saddle and pick up where I left off. Channel my inner diesel is how I put it.. Well guys - the tank was emptier than I thought. I didn't tell you - because I didn't want to tell me - how hard I found my first 8 miler with Sally. The rest of the runs that week weren't very good either - I was just exhausted. This week I have managed a few 4 milers but really that's been all that I've been capable of. I have had to acknowledge that doing a 20 miler tomorrow would be madness and that I may well not have been able to do it...
Aarrggghhh - even as I write this part of me is thinking "am I sure? I could try?". Another part of me is so terrified of giving up (of failing, which I know it isn't but there is that devil on my shoulder who tells me it is) for fear of - what exactly? Rationally I know that I have just been ill and it has taken me longer than I had thought to recover and, as such, I have not been able to train enough to get through and enjoy this marathon. Best thing to do is pick another race in Autumn and get ready for that. Pluses - I'm in good shape to begin with (once I really leave this chestiness behind, and that is happening now) and I could take on a different plan which motivates me more. But emotionally - ha! Now there's a different game. I actually like training - I like the discipline and the structure and I hate this feeling that, this time, I have not been able to lead it to its intended conclusion. I also hate the feeling that I might have been able to - might I?
Well - truth of the matter is - I've stopped training for now and am just running my daily 4-5 mile maintenance runs. I'm contemplating entering this September's Nottingham marathon. If I did a 20 week Hanson-style training program I'll need to start at the end of this month. Maybe the best way to kick away the blues is to get stuck in again and maybe be a bit smarter this time - sleep a bit more, stress a little less. Meditate! Adam Tinkoff has been very helpful and it's certainly affecting my sleep very positively. And perhaps just take a day off if I'm feeling poorly rather than wait for the big whammy..
Anyway - enough whingeing. Tomorrow is Boston and I'm just keeping all fingers, toes etc. crossed for Steve Runner from Phedippidations who has really upped the ante on his training this year and shown admirable focus and dedication, all in his quest to break 4 hours. I'll be following him on the web and through text messages - all really exciting stuff. My underlying plan is to somehow pull a sub 4 hour marathon when I'm 39 so that I can then use that time to qualify for the 40-45 group the year after. What a dream eh!
In the meantime, hope everyone else's running is going well and stay in touch!